Good Luck With That

I am trying to be optimistic but to be perfectly honest, the outcome doesn’t look to good with Miles. Getting help for him seems impossible. I am not sure if we just haven’t looked in the right place or if there just isn’t anything that is going to help. He has so many issues that even addressing one of them could take a lifetime, all by itself. 

Dealing with Residential Treatment Centers can be a nightmare. Last week the RTC where Miles is lost his nebulizer medication and it took them 2 days to get a new prescription for him. This week he tells me the new tennis shoes I took to him in May are missing along with his shower gel, dental floss, toothbrush etc. Try to find a size 13 in mens tennis shoes with no laces that look like something a 13-year-old would feel good about wearing and don’t cost a fortune and you will understand why I am so mad about the shoes! I can never get in touch with the therapist when I need to. Email is the best form of communication I have learned about this whole RTC experience.  I haven’t even been called all month for a Family Therapy session that is supposed to happen every week. I am currently waiting on a response from the therapist about all of the above. 

I am pretty sure that sending Miles 6 hours away from home for help because there isn’t a closer RTC doesn’t help the situation either. If he were closer we could at least visit more often. 

When a child gets sick with cancer, it appears there is a whole network of assistance to help the families navigate care for the child. Why doesn’t that happen when a child is diagnosed with mental illness. I actually had a doctor in an acute care facility tell me “Good luck with that.” referring to my sons diagnosis and getting help for him!!! Really??

Helpless

A mom’s job is never easy. Being a mom to a child in a residential treatment center for mental illness seems so strange to me. I talked to Miles 2 days ago and he tells me that the nursing staff can’t find the albuterol solution that I sent with his nebulizer and his asthma is flared up and he needs some breathing treatments. I called and talked to the nurse that evening and he tells me that his oxygen levels are ok and that he can put a rush order in for the albuterol and he will have it Thursday. Just to make sure the therapist is aware, I send her an email. Thursday evening I put another call into the nurse and had to leave a message. No call back. No call back from the therapist either. Its Friday and I haven’t heard from anyone. I am frustrated beyond!! There is really NO excuse. I understand he has an inhaler he can use but sometimes that doesn’t get the job done. I have contemplated several different ways to get their attention over the situation, but none are probably good ideas. 

It’s a helpless feeling to have to turn your kid over to people you don’t know as a last resort to try and get them help so they don’t harm themselves or anyone else. 

Puberty on Steroids

We speak to Miles almost daily by phone. Two days ago I answered the phone and I could tell by the tone in his voice when he began to speak that this was going to be “one of those calls”. “I’m calling to let you know that staff says that we can’t talk on the phone anymore unless it’s with my therapist because YOU trigger me!!” he says with bitterness in his voice. “Oh, ok then.” I tell him very calmly, “We love you and miss you.” . “Well I don’t love and miss you!!” he gets a little louder this time, then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye. Deep sigh. 

After we hung up I immediately emailed his therapist to let her know what he said and to find out if it was true. Honestly it would have been fine with me because I figured if she is present it will help keep his attitude in check. She emailed back saying that it wasn’t true and that she would check with staff to see why he would have said such a thing.

The very next day Miles calls me and tells me he is sorry for what he said. That is pretty much what things are like with Miles these days. I have decided that puberty in a mentally ill child is like puberty on steroids!! I guess if there is an “up” side here, we are getting a break from such a tumultuous time in his development. If the situation weren’t so devastating I thing I could take more comfort in that.

Tomorrow will be another day. Hopefully an uneventful one. 

 

Thankful

I watch how my son struggles and it seems so unfair. I wonder how much of  everything he is going through he really understands. He is only 13 and mentally about 7 -9. I can only imagine how difficult it is for him. Whenever I feel my sadness for Miles wash over me, I remind myself that I have to stay strong for him. I have to keep fighting. I refuse to let Miles just fall through the cracks of a broken system. As difficult as it is for all of us that he is away from home we have to be thankful that at least he is less likely to harm himself or anyone else for now. I am hopeful that while he is in a residential treatment center that there will be some kind of breakthrough that will help him. I am grateful that Miles has some good days that allow him to enjoy himself  and as strange as it may sound to some, I am relieved that he doesn’t have a real perception of time. Perhaps one day all this time he has spent away from home will not seem like such an eternity as it does right now.

Anger

It is hard not to feel anger over the situation with Miles. I am angry that I can’t help him more than what I can. I see his frustration. I know he just wants to be a “normal” kid. He is angry and lashing out at everyone that is trying to help him. I know he must feel trapped. 

Our journey with a mentally ill son

Miles was 16 months old when he came to live with us as a foster child. He was supposed to reunite with his birth mom within a year. That didn’t happen. Miles is now our adopted son and he is 13 years old. We can barely remember a time that he wasn’t a part of our family. Looking back, of  course there were signs of what the future might bring. Every time we confided in anyone the things we were concerned about we came to the conclusion that maybe he was just a normal boy. Not entirely normal. There were some health problems and learning difficulties and speech problems early on. We just took one thing at a time and dealt with it the best we could. Miles was an adorable young child. For the most part he was easy going and a joy to be around. There were however some temper tantrums and destruction of toys. Early on there was also some food hoarding that seemed to get better but not entirely as it seemed he could not stand for others to eat without him eating even if he had just been fed. Miles also had a lot of food allergies and would sneak into the cabinets and refrigerator and eat large amounts of food that he had been denied because of his allergies. We also had a difficult time teaching Miles to learn consequences for his actions. The disruptions caused by Miles sneaking into our bedrooms, taking things that didn’t belong to him, attempting to set fires, cruelty to pets, refusal to cooperate with school work, lying ,and a lot of other things including refusing to bathe became totally overwhelming between age 7 and 9. By the time Miles was 11 he had been placed in acute mental health centers 5 times and once in a long term treatment center for being harmful to himself and others. That first stay in a long term treatment center was a 9 month experience. He was only home for 2 months before being admitted to acute care several times and now again in a long term treatment center where he has been for 9 months now. The fight to get him help has been an absolute nightmare.