By chance there are still any followers to Losing Miles, I think I actually lost MYSELF!!!!! I swear I feel as though I fell down the Rabbit Hole just like Alice in Wonderland!!
Some time after my last post I went to visit Miles for his birthday. He turned 14 in December. He had been asking for some new Jordan’s so that is what we got him, along with some other small things. I even took the time to buy these things to replace the laces with called Hickeys that can be purchased at Brookstone. In RTC shoes with laces aren’t allowed and these things work great. He wasn’t given a pass to leave the campus due to his violent behavior and all kinds of lies, cheeking medications, etc. You name it, he pretty much tried it. We seemed to have a really good visit although we were confined to a small visiting area with a couch, chair, coffee table and a TV suspended from the ceiling that we were able to watch approved dvd’s.
Not long after my return home, all hell broke loose with Miles AGAIN. During some of our phone conversations he threatened to kill me once he is released from RTC, or have me killed by another resident that had been in the RTC and returned to our home town. He also threatened to kill his therapist. I immediately contacted her and begged her to not see him for sessions unless she was in an area that could be observed by other staff. I know that these therapists are well-trained but Miles happens to be bigger and taller than that therapist and when he is in a rage, almost appears to have super strength! I also requested that there be no phone contact between us unless it was monitored by his therapist.
Not only were there death threats but there were all kinds of delusional false accusations of horrendous abuse by us and accusations that we were alcoholics and drug dealers and that he wanted to be placed into foster care in hopes of being adopted by another family.
After consulting with MY therapist and psychiatrist (that I never needed before this journey with Miles) I field a report with the SLC police department. It was my hope that perhaps he would learn a lesson by going before a judge that he couldn’t threaten people that way and have documentation just in case something does happen to me! NOT!! According to staff that escorted him to his meetings with a probation officer, the judge, and an attorney that they tried to say WE were responsible for paying for, he went in there and charmed the pants off of everyone, in spite of me signing a release for them to look at his elaborate documentation of mental illness issues. He lied and turned everything around and the whole thing was dismissed, supposedly for lack of evidence!!!!
It was around that time that I think my whole perspective changed a bit. I became intensely aware of how vulnerable I might be to threats against my life and began to take charge of that.
Miles, finally after 3 attempts, escaped the locked facility he was in along with 3 other boys!! He actually made it a mile and a half away from the facility! One of them was able to stay gone for a couple of days before being returned by the police. Miles went back to the RTC willingly when staff found him but upon arrival in the parking lot, he attempted to kick a window out of the van, discharged a fire extinguisher all over staff, swung the extinguisher at a female staff and had to be placed in a hold by one of the large male staff members.
All of that made it more clear to me that not only did I need to continue to advocate for Miles, but I also had to take precautions to insure my own safety and well-being as well.
Things got even more awakening when this past March or April we were notified that the RTC was closing. We had until mid June to find a new placement for him. The RTC assisted but they weren’t as concerned about finding a good placement for him as they were mostly concerned with just finding any place that would accept him. I lost count of how many denials he got!! Finally after a 4th appeal to another RTC just 30 mins south of the other RTC, he got accepted. Its pretty bad that he is too sick to be safe at home, and too sick to be accepted at an RTC!!!!!
I feel as though I am slowly climbing up out of the muddy hole I fell so far into, however the closer I get to the top, I slide back a ways with every encounter we have with Miles and his therapy. Currently, he is being extremely charming at his new placement and whining about being bullied (something he has been quite guilty of being the bully in the past). This is his pattern, I almost want to tell his therapist to call me for a family session when things get real and the honeymoon is over with Miles!!!
Thank you very much! I now have anxiety AND PTSD!!!!!
Losing Miles 